How end-of-life experiences shape grief — and ways to care for yourself through it

Grief is a universal experience, but it is also a personal one that evolves over time and is shaped by many circumstances.

One moment you may feel numb; another may bring sadness, love, denial, anger, guilt, confusion, or a multitude of other emotions. Grief can also affect physical health, disrupting sleep, causing pain and fatigue, and weakening the immune system. It is not a linear journey, but rather one that can vary from person to person and day to day.

How grief is shaped by circumstances

While grief is intimately personal, it does not exist in a vacuum. It is a relational and contextual experience influenced by a variety of factors. And because grief is shaped by access to care, resources, and support, it is also a public health issue with unequal burdens.

Access to quality care and support at the end of life, as well as a loved one’s dying process, can affect how grief shows up. 

A 2024 study found a connection between a person’s end-of-life care and how their family members and loved ones made sense of the death and remembered it afterward. Those with access to end-of-life services like hospice felt more open and empowered to communicate about death and dying. 

When end-of-life care reflects a person’s values and loved ones feel informed and involved, it can support coping and finding meaning amid grief. 

In contrast, the study found that people without this support experienced more silence and tension with family and were more likely to navigate grief on their own. 

Grief can be compounded by systemic inequities, discrimination, and preventable barriers in care. Additionally, financial vulnerability, lacking health insurance or paid leave, limited access to quality palliative care or hospice, and other factors can all impact the end-of-life experience and the grief that follows.

Because bereavement is informed by the care environment and circumstances surrounding a loved one’s death, it is understandable that grief may at times feel especially heavy, complicated, or isolating. 

5 ways to care for yourself while grieving

Learning how to live with grief, rather than denying it, is central to resilience and well-being. Below are five ways to be present with your experience and care for yourself as you grieve:

1. 1. Make space for your emotions. Notice what you are feeling and experiencing. Try not to resist or suppress feelings. Instead, acknowledge them and create space to express them as needed, like through journaling, art, movement, or a ritual. If tears well up, allow yourself to cry. If you feel the need for rest, nap. If you find yourself laughing and feeling joy, savor it.
   2. Reduce commitments and avoidable stress. Grief can take up emotional space and energy. To the extent that you can, simplify your routine, limit your responsibilities, share your personal or professional workload with others, and adjust your expectations for your own productivity and decision-making capacity.
   3. Care for your body. Listen to your body and prioritize your physical well-being. This may include getting adequate rest, engaging in energizing or restorative movement, spending time outdoors, staying hydrated, and eating foods that feel nourishing or simply comforting.
   4. Seek out support and connection. Reach out to those you trust and consider attending a virtual or in-person support group. It may also be helpful to participate in a faith community or find other communal spaces for reflection and meaning-making. If people offer support, share specific needs with them, like running errands or preparing meals.
   5. Honor your loved one. Staying connected to your loved one and their memory can bring peace and comfort. You might create a legacy project that documents their life and your memories together, donate or volunteer on behalf of causes they cared about, celebrate their birthday, visit places that were meaningful to them, or place their photo on an altar.

Experiences with death, loss, and grief can prompt reflection on your wishes for your own future care and eventual end-of-life journey. When you’re ready, our free End-of-Life Decisions Guide & Toolkit can help you think through your values and priorities, document your wishes, and share them with the people who matter most.